i just sold back the books i vomitted on
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize