he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
someone owes me an orgasm
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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