could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
