Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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