i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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