im drinking this country out of the recession.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
