that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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