She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
How drunk are you?
Completed.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
