Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
