Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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