Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
