Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
