FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize