One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
