look no pants
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
