People in love make me want to vomit
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
