ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
In America we eat man semen.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
