If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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