told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
