I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
