Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
operation have a gay friend backfired
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
