I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
