if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
