it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
pray to the hookup gods
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
