fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
