so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
