Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
