i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
