How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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