Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
