First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
