She went from zero to smokin in five shots
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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