Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
