My liver just broke up with me...
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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