it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
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Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
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Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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