I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
