Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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