i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
