I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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