I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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