There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
