So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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