Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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