Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Randomize
