Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
