if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
