In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
we're chasing vodka with high fives
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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