Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
