Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
