last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
