Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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