bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
