I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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