Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
