is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
my penis made a compromise with my morals
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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