How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
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Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
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My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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