HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
