just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
