Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
