dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
