i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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