New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
My balls are so social today.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
