I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
