I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
