His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
