She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
