Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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