One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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