He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
