Non-Jews are for practice
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
