Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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