this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
