Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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