i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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