It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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