Need sex. Gaining weight.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
