either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
