im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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