i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
