can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
