i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
