I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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