You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
