i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
